Life as I see it

2009-02-18T22:13:00.002-06:00

I'm in love with someone that can't or won't love me back.
I'm not the only lesbian to fall in love with a straight girl but this just sucks
as I help her figure out what to do with her on again off again boyfriend and we have already decided that is she was gay or me a man we would be perfect.
the Cosmo's hate me!

2 years later?

2009-02-02T01:24:00.002-06:00

so I'm in school. my second year in nursing school and its kicking my ass!!!!!!! no one tells you how hard this year is cause no one would ever go!!!!!!!! besides this I'm getting good grades and im studying my ass off (LITTERLY). Newly single and extreamly happy about it and livin my life. wow so I have amazing friends who have really stuck with me through the breakup and have helped me so much. my best friend T was right there from the start let me cry on her sholder and let me vent and get all my anger out. She was the one that insisted that we go out to celebrate my one month single and you know what I had a blast!!!!!!!!!!
Right now life is pretty good. just finished a MAJOR paper and a not so major paper in one night!!!!!!
just wanted to stop in and leave a note cause I missed this!
thanks
N

Femimist?

2006-04-01T23:30:00.000-06:00

All that is required to be a feminist is to believe in the power, potential, and perspicacity of women. Even if we exist in wholesale ignorance of our own strength, to recognize it in other women is to acknowledge it in ourselves. And when, either by design or happenstance, we are confronted with something that forces us to draw upon reserves we did not know we possessed, we meet the challenge with the quiet but fierce determination that is the legacy of our sex.Elizabeth I was, in many ways, the original feminist though neither the concept nor the word existed during the time of her reign. In an era when women were mere chattel, she was absolutely convinced of her sovereignty. In an age when women were thought indolent, inconstant and insipid, she was confident in her intellect and the rectitude of her rule. Elizabeth did not live by a laundry list of principles that would have allowed her to proclaim some hackneyed ideological designation. The irony would have amused her as much as the need for precepts would have mystified her. She simply lived her life as she saw fit, even constrained as she was by convention and religious dogma. Long before Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and Margaret Sanger, she believed in herself and fiercely embraced the one and only doctrine that feminism need sanction...Freedom.So how does this translate into modern day idealism? After all, it’s no longer about the right to vote, the right to life, or equality in the workplace.Well, the feminazis would have you believe that to be a feminist means adopting a rigid set of standards and then defending them with the ferocity and zeal that only the very conflicted er, I mean, convicted can muster. It means excluding those who don't live up to those standards in an effort to preserve their dubious integrity and tenuous superiority. They like to assert themselves as free thinkers and defenders of equality, when in reality, they are simply using a convenient label to validate and codify their own choices. They do not celebrate or embrace the gift of choice itself, but belittle those not in keeping with their own narrow view of womanhood. They do us a disservice by robbing us of the freedom our forbearers fought so hard to win. Thanks to feminism, I am assured of the value of my choice, For me, it is not a movement, or a belief system, or a lifestyle. It is the simple freedom to choose. It is the lack of any preconceived ideas about what a woman should be, and do and aspire to, as well as the knowledge and conviction that she can be, and do, and aspire to anything her heart desires.Thank you Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Susan and Margaret. Your sacrifice has made the world a better place for women, even if some have yet to realize it's about choosing your own destiny, rather than being a slave to a cause. thanks to Blog Antagonist

Niagara Falls

2006-03-20T20:13:00.000-06:00

So we went to niagara Falls for a hockey Tourny (Danielle's Team) it was AWESOME, had a great time and not just at the games. Although I almost lost my voice. it was great. Won the first 3 games and lost the last one in a bitter conflict. We (Mom D, Heather and I) went down a day early (Thurs) to go shop in the states. OMG did we ever spend a lot of money. I baught some great clothes. the deals were wonderful, but we sure as hell were tired on thurs night. on fri the team showed us and so did Dad. D,H and I got kicked out of the Nice hotel and went to the Comfort Inn on clifton hill with the Team.......... the Ladies Won their friday night game, Awesome, and fri night we went out partying!!! omg what fun the Boston Pizza on Clifton Hill turns into a Night Club there it was great. they have video games there and a hockey shot game, the guys were playing and doing ok, one of the girls on the team Ashley has a wicked shot so we got her to give it a shot......... lol...... the guy that we were talking to said she had to do better than him he did 11% accuracy and his speed was 55mph on beginner, He put it on intermediate for Ashley and she got a 15% accuracy and 73 MPH!!! she kicked his ass. Heather and I yelled ourselves horse cheering her on it was great. One of the other giirls almost got into a fight so we knew it was time to go home. We got into the hotel room at around 3 am I think. Saturday Morning I got woken up at 7:30 AM by our other roomie for a smoke ( we were taped out) D and H had gone for a 3 hour walk and got lost ( another story) to buy smokes so she had some, we grabed coffee and a smoke each and hedded out. Mom and dad came by and we hedded out to breaky. after breaky we walked and walked and walked fisited the fally and walked the entire pathway then walked back to M&D hotle room up a 90 degree incline lol ong what a walk, beautiful just beautiful. the girls played 2 games that night and won both. After the games D,H,Ash and I went over to mom and Dad's Hotel and chilled cause Ash was going to kick someones ass ( she was pissed(another,another story)) we Dropped Ash off and went to bed. Sun Morning the girls lost the game, THAT should of been CALLED!!!!!!! the other team went to the wrong arena then took their time getting to the one we were at, even made a timms run!!!!! FUCK THAT anyways the team got mad and lost the game before they went on the ice. then we hedded home and chalked it up to a great weekend had a great time and got closer to my fav ppl on the team. it was great and I have a new wardrobe to account for it
Till next time
N

2006-02-26T11:43:00.000-06:00

so I'm looking at going back to school full time. Kinda scary kinda cool. I just don't know if I can do it I mean Math and science is NEVER my strong suit and I want to go University for Nursing. UNIVERSITY!!!!! I have to do a Uni. Prep course first and in this course I have to do things like English which I know I can do but I also have to do Chem. and Calcules. god I don't think I can do it, biology I can do but I'm not sure about the rest. I'm not smart enough for this. I was really excited about the idea of going back to school but now that I'm doing my research I'm just not sure anymore. well no one comes here so I'm pretty sure no one will reply all the better if I don't go threw with it then no one will know I failed

2005-10-07T18:34:00.000-05:00

ok so I'm not dead.......... Now that that is out of the way I will say I'm sorry for not posting in soooo long but I had nothing to say oddly enough. But now I will say that Vaykay was fun. Had a great time shopping, traveling, Eating ( great food in Quebec!!).
Oh and of course the Grandparents are great, Hale and hearty. More even tempered than I remember and nicer than I remembered!!!!! but as always I love them. Now on to other news I'm dating again!!! Yea me!! Men this time not boys. again yea me!! on anddddddd the biggest news My Cuz is going to be a Daddy. YES my fav cuz is going to be a daddy and My Other Fav Cuz ( his wife) is going to be a mommy!!!!!!! OMG they are going to be great parents I can't wait to se JR ( as he is being called) its going to be soooooo much fun I'm soooo happy for them, all their trying is going to pay off. Kate much Luv and if you need to bitch I'm here and Mark stop worrying all will be ok I mean look how you turned out!!!! Kate good luck!!!!!!! OXOXOXOXOXO

OXOXOXOXOXOOX
Much Love guys

Vay Kay

2005-08-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

ok so I haven't posted for a while but that's cause I had nothing to say. Ce la vie
so the BIG news now is that it is 14 days till vay kay and I am counting!!!!
Mom Danielle (the lil sis) and I are going away for about 10 to 14 days, I am so excited I can hardly sit still.
My first actual vacation in about 4 years WOW!
we are going to visit the Grandparents in Quebec!!
with a stop over in Quebec City!! Should be fun!! We (Danielle and I ) are trying to convince Mom to come out club hopping with us for kicks. What a laugh. With the shopping and the scenery is promises to be an excellent time. I haven't seen my grandparents in about 4 years and am really looking forward to it.
Although My Grandfather (Papere) is really sick with bladder cancer and my mom says that this is the last time I will ever see him, so really this is my chance to say goodbye.
I'm happy about that though cause I didn't get to say good bye to my Dad's parents (back in Newfoundland) so this is something I need.
Plus the shopping is going to be outstanding!!!!!!
I'll drop a note before I go between bouts of packing, un packing, and repacking
ciao for now

Wear sunscreen

2005-07-02T23:54:00.000-05:00

Ok so 2 in one day but I really love this song

Ladies and Gentleman...
Wear sunscreen,
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientist's whereas the rest of my advise has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience....

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
oh nevermind;
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked....

your not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future;
or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equasion by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

don't be reckless with other peoples hearts,
don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind....
the race is long and in the end,
it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive,
forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this,
tell me how.

keep your old love letters,
throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life.....
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

be kind to your knees,
you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry
maybe you won't,
maybe you'll have children
maybe you won't
maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary..
what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself to muck or berate yourself to muck either - your choices are half chance,
so are everyone else's.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can....
don't be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it
it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...
even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents,
you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings;
they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on.
work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York once,
but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once,
but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths,
prices will rise
politicians will philander,
you too will get old,
and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble
and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one will run out.

Don't mess to much with your hair, or by the time your 45 it will look 85.

Be Careful whose advise you buy,
but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advise is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal
wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But Trust me on the sunscreen.....

ummmmmmm........no

2005-07-02T23:07:00.000-05:00

Ok so I am standing in line at a fast food chain that caters to people other than my white ass, popyes chicken, when I am bumped from behind by a lil girl, no prob. Unfortunitly I was bumped into a angst filled black teenaged girl. I say oops sorry but the lil one bumped me into you once again sorry ( I was raised with a lil something I like to call MANNERS that is NOT present in todays society) and she says and I Quote " that's ok YOUR people have been pushing around MY people for ages"

OK now I have a few problems with that statement!!!

1. Don't pull the race card with me I don't respond to it at all! I don't care and oops I don't care

2. MY people were here first and forced to leave OUR land and were forced into reserves for OUR protection. So MY people were beaten, raped, killed, mulitated, ect before yours ever came to North America.

that's right I am part Indian, I am whats called Metis ( pronounced with a French accent me-te)

My family and I are Very proud or our heritage, just don't pull that race bullshit on me

ok and my other issue deals with something related but on the other end of the spectrum.

ok so my Sister Danielle and I were discussing this topic because of her Best friends roommates ( long story) and he:
A. Wants to be American
b. Wants to be a neo-nazi

ok so here is my problem. In Hitler's time you had to be able to trace your lineage back 5 generations on both sides PURE GERMAN if not then sorry your dead. And this guy is Scottish!!!!! Now don't get me wrong there is some Celtic in my blood too so I don't have a problem with being Scottish but all it is, is an excuse to hate anyone that is not like you.

People there is enough problems in this world without you hating the person standing in front or behind of you in line. Get over it, Get over yourself, and live your life.

Life

2005-06-29T21:53:00.000-05:00

To the cosmic void.......... Why are the hardest decisions always so easy in hindsite. I mean you spend days weeks and even hours debating the pros and cons of a situation and decide to follow your heart and poof you made your decision. Now a few weeks have gone by and you look back and the answer was there all the time. Life is funny that way, do I go left or right, the blue or purple shirt, what shoes, what purse, tongue or no tongue LOL.
I guess my advise to anyone out there is always follow your heart, it generally leads you in the right direction.

forget Regret or life is yours to miss.~ RENT

the best

2005-06-25T20:14:00.000-05:00

Ok so My cuz and his wife are the best people in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for making me smile guys!!!!!
Love ya

the Sadness looms

2005-06-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

Ok so don't get me wrong I am VERY happy being single AGAIN!! and have nothing against happily married couples( ie. mark and Kate and my Mom and Dad) but for FUCK SAKES I want mine. Healthy agression breath in and out, ahhhhhh nope didn't work, ok so it is easier to be angry than sad but shit, here I am again Single again, home AGAIN, and feeling very lonely. Now this is a better lonely that being in a couple and lonely I know that feeling too, like your the only one there out of the 2 of you, the person can be right beside you or in a room full of people and be lonely, I know these lonelys. But this lonely is diffrent. My Mom says that I am in Love with the idea of being in love but I don't care I just want someone to love me. Ok so it could be Hormones, ie mood swing, but then how come I feel like I am in a room full of people and no one can hear me screaming at the top of my lungs.

And I am good. ok so I needed to bitch and moan for a min. Oh woe is me and all that shit. any of you that Know me knows that I am never sad for long. Basically a happy go lucky girl with a touch of crazy for good luck.

Ok So start as you mean to go on, always good advice.
An incredably Smart Lady once told me " Don't waste the Pretty" she happens to be one of my favourite people in the world, She is also Married to a Smart man who's main smart move was marring Her ( sorry Mark)

ok so I bitched and calmed and and gushed
Thanks for your patience.

one last thing
" Know Thyself"
inscribed on the temple of Apollo at Delphi
sorry I just love that quote

do you know me

2005-06-17T21:22:00.000-05:00

ok so I filled this out for Mark and here is one for me, if you read Blogs enjoy and fill it out anyways.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a Crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6.Give me a nickname and explaine why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8.What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds me of you?
11.If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. when was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. are you going to put this in your Blog and see what I say about you?

Shoot for the Moon if you miss your still among the Stars!!!

It Begins

2005-05-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this is my first blog. My Fav Cousin told me to try it cause it is cheaper than therapy.
So I decided to write about my ex. Always a fun topic..... ok so it goes without saying that he is an ass. Materialistic, self-centered, chauvinistic, need I go on. It was all about HIS stuff and MY stuff, it was never OUR stuff, unless it suited him, it was ok for him to borrow $500 from me and not pay me back, but debts to him HAD to be paid back in full right away, when I needed help with my bills he told me no but when he needed help and I said no he freeked!!!!!. On my day off I had to clean the apartment, But when he went 7 days in a row without work do you think the place got cleaned???????????? NO!!!!
Once in a while ONCE, I would of loved to come home to have dinner waiting for me, NOPE I worked an 8 hour shift and come home to do dishes, make dinner, more dishes while he was home ALL DAY. And who can forget Saturdays......, I work Saturdays always have always will it is part of the business I am in there is no surprise there. So He would clean all day Saturday( even after I said leave it till Sunday when I can help) but NO he had to do it on Sat then he had the GALL to bitch cause he did all the cleaning and I did nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!! And finely the breakup. On Monday May 16 I informed him that I was moving out... He didn't take me seriously. So on Tues I ( with a little help from my wonderful baby sister) packed up some stuff and moved out. While this was happening he started to guilt trip me, " oh you are breaking my heart (he doesn't have one, doesn't have feelings either) why are you hurting me" to which I replied to " if you loved me you wouldn't treat me like you do and hurt me on a constant bases" He replied " I don't" then my sister jumped in and started to defend me he told her to shut up and that it wasn't any of her business, HA! That is when I got in his face to tell him that my sister is a better person than he will ever be and he raised his hand to strike me..... BIG MISTAKE. Danielle (my sister) almost clocked him, and for that matter I almost did too. He backed down and we took off. The Next day after work I went to get more stuff and had some BIG scary friends of my sister with me, he started to get lippy with me till he saw them, Danielle's friend Heather was with us and she forgot her coffee inside when she went back to get it rob had trashed the place garbage and recycling everywhere, it is my thought that is she hadn't saw that he would of called the cops and told them I did it. On Friday the 20 I went back to get the rest of my stuff with my dad and His best friend Todd. Neither of them would let me go in alone (protecting me) and we hardly said anything to him.

Now my sister has a theory, She thinks that he is mad that I am not collasping in a fit of tears begging him to let me back. he is pissed that I am happy, way happier single than I was with him for the last 3 months

Now the moral of the story.......... ALWAYS live with someone first that is how you know their true personality. and don't take shit from anyone you are to important for that.